Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
