Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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