people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
