can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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