I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
