One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
