wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
