you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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