gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
