I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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