please come you make the beer taste better
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
