My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
