Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
