I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You smell like stripper and shame
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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