this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
