just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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