I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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