so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
