I heard we made out
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
