Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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