Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
