So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
