I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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