ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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