I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
