I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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