I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
