He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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