I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
