Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
