dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We left the knife in your bed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
