What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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