Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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