found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
