why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
