Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
