paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
