The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize