from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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