god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
