smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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