I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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