um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
