just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
