just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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