Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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