I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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