Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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