How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
