Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
