Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
