The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
