So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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