the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize