We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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