At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
