Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
