well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
