I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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