This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
