What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
