Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this boner is exhausting
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
