why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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