I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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