Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
