I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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