My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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