what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
