Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
