I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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