i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
