shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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