I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
