Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
