when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
